One of the most dispiriting phrases you can hear is, Oh, I’ve always voted this way. It’s like bearing witness to some socio-political lobotomy scar; a myopic tribal ritual. And I live in a land where you can actually have more than two choices!
Well, it’s still ultimately two choices really [if you exclude the Liberal Democrats – seemingly marginalised for potentially trying to change things for the better and blamed for everything that wasn’t; and UKIP feeding off the increasingly rotting carcass of migratory fear], albeit Old, uh, New, erm, Socialist, umm, The Labour are attempting to devolve government to one … think, level playing field with an impenetrable wall built across the entire width at one end paid for by all the other parties and voters who get to do little more than prod at it with a toothpick. [Yeah, just the one. They were rationed by the Conservative government at fear of an uprising, in 2046, following their 7th successive term in government and the cancellation of the Great British Bake Off.]
I’ve looked on eBay… nothing. I thought you could buy anything on eBay? Music, comics, golf clubs, virginity, Britney Spears’ used bubble gum, a cornflake the shape of Illinois, a 50,000-year-old mammoth and a decommissioned nuclear bunker. [A somewhat curious single lot, for sure!] Clearly there’s a gap in the market here: the buying and selling of immune systems.
Another option might be to look into genetics. My dog, Willow, clearly has exceptional genes. He never gets sick and possesses the kind of energy and silky coat that I could only dream of. I think it might just work… with that amount of vitality coursing through my veins, I’d be dangerous. And if the only potential down side was a need to be wormed every six months and a mildly disturbing propensity to wander around in public randomly sniffing strangers’ arses, then I believe that would be a small price to pay.
Anyone who might know the kind of doctor/scientist that may consider such an undertaking, let me know. No questions asked.
Footnote: Sue drove off to work this morning and returned a few minutes later having forgotten her mobile phone charger. She eventually found it in a basket in the bedroom. She then couldn’t find the car keys she’d just come in with. Five minutes later… in the basket she’d found the phone charger in. I fear it’s going to be a long haul into senility from here.