A Bird In The Hand

… means, uh, bird poo on the wrist.

Speaking of 💩. Sorry, I mean world-beating. It seems our government bought the Instagram algorithm [which I don’t see a problem with!!] to manipulat, uh, I mean calculate this year’s A-level results due to the pandemic. And it would appear it worked as brilliantly as the world-beating Track & Trace app the government tested on the Isle of Wight which had a mere statistical anomaly of 96% failure on iPhone!

So, I genuinely shudder to think how 🤬ed up the exams algorithm was when they panicked and moved the goalposts again just a couple of days ago. A staggering 36% of entries had lower grades than predicted. So the government suddenly threw in the potential for students to appeal if the estimated result was lower than their mock exam. Do what?

The clue is in the title there people! Mock … exam. Not only are they early in the year – with months of teaching/study to come – but all schools do them slightly differently too. And having worked in a state school for well over a decade I can assure you the tendency for a great many of the kids to not take mock exams too seriously is right up there with … well, the result of the government’s Track & Trace system!

Still, at least the universities might make more allowances, eh? Don’t stress kids. Simply head to UCAS, the, ummm, world-beating national university admissions service; all might still be fine. Website crashed within five minutes this morning!

Earlier on BBC 5Live, Education Secretary, Gavin ‘I went to private school so have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about’ Williamson, was asked who came up with the mock idea. Four times he was asked that question; four times he didn’t answer it but essentially waffled on about something else. How the hell do these people ever pass an exam themselves?!

Q. If the sum of the circle is equal to the square on the opposite two sides, what is the angle of x when the dangle is 38%?

A. William the Conqueror was the first Norman King of England and his favourite cheese was cheddar …

Result. Outstanding. Become a Conservative MP and formulate government policy for something that you have no awareness of in reality. And, don’t worry, when you’re found completely wanting, we’ll move you to another department.

2 Replies to “A Bird In The Hand”

  1. 36% of those had lower grades than expected? This is absolutely outrageous and I bet these are people from less well performing schools, thus lower income backgrounds. It feels as if the tories specifically want to stop the poor from advancing at all

    1. They are/were definitively that, Victoria. As you may already know, the algorithm was so skewed, the schools at the top end actually saw their marks improve! It seems our government managed to come up with yet another form of postcode lottery.

      And, as you’ll sadly become increasingly aware – notwithstanding my secret wish that during periods of chaos, something better often emerges – it’s the complete unwillingness of politicians to generally see themselves as fallible. Hence, as criticism mounted, you had Boris Johnson come out and defend the way the results were calculated yesterday – while quietly sidestepping the issue of the goalposts actually moving a couple of days prior! – when I very much doubt he had much insight into what he was even commenting on … aside from the how great the government is mantra.

      And until we have the kind of genuine people who hold up their hands to being human in government, this will never change.

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