It’s Never Too Late

… to grow and maintain a beard you could lose a badger in. And that’s just the women.

Yes, that’s right, ladies. No more plucking or waxing required. You will learn how to grow a full beard the envy of all your girlfriends, and many of your male friends. You’ll find all the answers when you sign up for my Grab Two Great Handfuls Of My Fuzzy Face online course. Just follow the link. 👉🏼

My course is absolutely FREE, no hidden charges or catches. Although, when you get there, for a very limited period, you can choose to sign up for my Advanced Hirsute Secrets course for the early bird discount of $49. Yes, that’s $49 for access to all those, ummm, secrets. Although you need to sign up today, as the cost will return to the usual fee of $9,999 on Friday. [We are expecting this class to sell out, rather like myself, very quickly!]

PLUS! If you sign up today, you’ll also get the following BONUSES for FREE too: The Secret To Owning And Growing A Penis [value $299]; Are Those My Shoes: The Secret Of Maintaining Big Feet [value $499]; Navel Fluff Knitting Patterns [value $19]. Yes, that’s total bonus gifts of, uh, $2,314 for FREE if you sign up right now!

Did I say it was a secret? Yeah, it’s always secrets in these ads. Ummm, so you’re not ever allowed to tell anyone. Which is fortunate, because I’m also offering a massive 973% discount on my Don’t Ever Tell Anyone Anything That’s A Secret masterclass starting on Monday. So, for just $257 you can sign up secretly for this masterclass too. [Registration for this one has been open for just 24 hours and over half the spots have been taken already. Quick! Your very life and happiness, and my luxury skiing holiday in St Moritz, could be at stake!]

Obviously, I can’t tell you too much about the latter class. It’s, uh, a secret. But it’s definitely a masterclass. It will have, erm, experts, masters, classes and everything. And it will ultimately enable you to discern the value of any future masterclass offers you might see, while also providing you with a full understanding of how to discount and add bonuses to all sorts of crap.

Don’t delay. Book now!

Disclaimer: This is the small print. I’d make it much smaller, but this is the tiniest default font offered here. Ideally, I’d rather you could barely see it at all and just signed up for everything and regretted it later. Regret is fine, but you can’t get your money back. There will be a future secret masterclass course, highly discounted, entitled: No Refunds!

Note: It’s quite possible that I’ve seen too many sponsored ads on Instagram now. And I’ve gone quietly insane. If you’re reading this, please send help … uh, along with bonuses and sundry free stuff!

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