It’s Never Too Late

… to grow and maintain a beard you could lose a badger in. And that’s just the women.

Yes, that’s right, ladies. No more plucking or waxing required. You will learn how to grow a full beard the envy of all your girlfriends, and many of your male friends. You’ll find all the answers when you sign up for my Grab Two Great Handfuls Of My Fuzzy Face online course. Just follow the link. ūüĎČūüŹľ

My course is absolutely FREE, no hidden charges or catches. Although, when you get there, for a very limited period, you can choose to sign up for my Advanced Hirsute Secrets course for the early bird discount of $49. Yes, that’s $49 for access to all those, ummm, secrets. Although you need to sign up today, as the cost will return to the usual fee of $9,999 on Friday. [We are expecting this class to sell out, rather like myself, very quickly!]

PLUS! If you sign up today, you’ll also get the following BONUSES for FREE too: The Secret To Owning And Growing A Penis [value $299]; Are Those My Shoes: The Secret Of Maintaining Big Feet [value $499]; Navel Fluff Knitting Patterns [value $19]. Yes, that’s total bonus gifts of, uh, $2,314 for FREE if you sign up right now!

Did I say it was a secret? Yeah, it’s always secrets in these ads. Ummm, so you’re not ever allowed to tell anyone. Which is fortunate, because I’m also offering a massive 973% discount on my Don’t Ever Tell Anyone Anything That’s A Secret masterclass starting on Monday. So, for just $257 you can sign up secretly for this masterclass too. [Registration for this one has been open for just 24 hours and over half the spots have been taken already. Quick! Your very life and happiness, and my luxury skiing holiday in St Moritz, could be at stake!]

Obviously, I can’t tell you too much about the latter class. It’s, uh, a secret. But it’s definitely a masterclass. It will have, erm, experts, masters, classes and everything. And it will ultimately enable you to discern the value of any future masterclass offers you might see, while also providing you with a full understanding of how to discount and add bonuses to all sorts of crap.

Don’t delay. Book now!

Disclaimer: This is the small print. I’d make it much smaller, but this is the tiniest default font offered here. Ideally, I’d rather you could barely see it at all and just signed up for everything and regretted it later. Regret is fine, but you can’t get your money back. There will be a future secret masterclass course, highly discounted, entitled: No Refunds!

Note: It’s quite possible that I’ve seen too many sponsored ads on Instagram now. And I’ve gone quietly insane. If you’re reading this, please send help … uh, along with bonuses and sundry free stuff!

#MobilePhotoNow : Columbus Museum Of Art, Ohio, USA

Absolutely delighted¬†to have my image ¬†She Came… And Went… In A Heartbeat¬† curated for this impressive and important exhibition at the Columbus Museum Of Art in Ohio, USA.
Showing: February 6 – March 22, 2015

#MobilePhotoNow : Columus Museum Of Art, Ohio, USA

Columbus Museum of Art¬†and the #JJ COMMUNITY, one of the largest photo communities on Instagram, present #MobilePhotoNow¬†the largest mobile photography exhibition ever organized by a museum. #MobilePhotoNow [February 6, 2015 ‚Äď March 22, 2015] highlights the emerging art form of mobile photography, and the power of social media and smart phones as a means of creative expression and connection.¬†

“CMA and #JJ partnered throughout October 2014 to post themed photo challenges that engaged the mobile photography community with inspiration from Columbus Museum of Art‚Äôs Photo League collection. More than 5,000 photographers from 89 different countries submitted nearly 45,000 images via Instagram. The resulting exhibition co-curated by CMA and #JJ community features more than 320 images from 240 photographers representing nearly 40 different countries.”

it would seem¬†with only 0.007% of submissions actually being selected … I’m just trying to decide if that makes me extremely¬†lucky, or extremely¬†brilliant. Ha!

My image bottom left
My image bottom left

The criteria for submission was for images either taken and/or processed using mobile media. I invested in Instagram a couple of years ago as a potential new medium to express my creativity; partly due to my computer suffering a stroke; partly due to the school [where I teach part-time] furnishing me with an Asus MeMO 7 tablet.

I began processing older images – intrigued by the challenge of revisiting them with a new eye and, notably, Instagram’s default square crop. ¬†She Came… And Went… In A Heartbeat ¬†was one such image. And I’ve since moved on to capturing images with my smart-phone, as well as continuing to take images with my trusty Nikon DSLR, and processing these new images on the tablet. You can see many of these – mostly experimental, swiftly and intuitively processed images – on my Instagram feed here.

At some point I intend to reverse this process and potentially revisit the more recent images in their original full frame composition.

The exhibition itself has been picking up some excellent reviews from such notable sources as the New York Times, Newsweek¬†and makes Brit & Co’s 2015’s Coolest, Must-Visit Art Exhibits alongside such luminaries¬†as¬†Roy Halston Frowick and Andy Warhol’s joint exhibition and Cartier!